Kavanaugh’s Alleged Attempted Sexual Assault

Well, I’ve tried to avoid the Kavanaugh alleged attempted sexual assault for a few reasons. It’s time for me to address it because it takes a very important subject and thrusts it into the limelight…for political gain. Read the whole post and think carefully for yourself. Be objective. 

Who Am I to Issue an Opinion?

No one, really….except that:

  1. I am a survivor of child abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic violence. 
  2. I am a mother to three sons. 
  3. I have C-PTSD…so, according to professionals, where I am now is as good as I’m ever going to get as far as symptoms are concerned. 

I don’t spend a lot of time talking about what happened to me for various reasons. None of which I’m really required to disclose to validate or invalidate anything to anyone. However, I don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on what happened because:

  1. I don’t like thinking about it or talking about it. 
  2. What happened is only a small part of my life (when compared to the whole). 
  3. I’ve witnessed how people are treated. You have to be the right “amount” of “victim.” If you talk about it too much, you’re “milking it.” If you don’t talk about it except at certain times then people question whether it happened. Instead, I use my experience to help others through similar circumstances. 

I Believe Her

Wait, wait, wait. Don’t stop reading – just “hear” me out. Also, I’m not using her name for a reason. We have rape shield laws (and yes, I know she wasn’t raped and that we’re talking about something 30+ years ago that was an attempted sexual assault. We have those laws to protect the identity of the victim

This all started for her back in 2012 in therapy. You know, a private setting. Where things are supposed to be private. Where people go to talk about and (if they have a good therapist) work toward moving on. Then, there was an anonymous letter. Sometimes victims see something and it puts them in a bad place….and so they need to get it off their chest. They’re not necessarily looking to get their name out there. They just want to feel better. So, again, we’re starting with a private setting and and anonymous letter

Some dickbag leaked it and also gave out her name. So now we’ve gone from “I just need to get this out” to suddenly being thrust unwillingly into the spotlight and being threatened and being made out to be the bad guy of the situation for talking about an experience in a private setting and in an anonymous letter that was leaked by another person. No one really says shit about those facts, do they? At least…not in more than a passing sentence. 

She doesn’t really want to testify. This, to me, further solidifies the fact that she had something happen to her (yes, years ago – this shit does not necessarily just go away) that fundamentally changed her. That’s why she isn’t agreeing to a date and time. She just wanted to get it off her chest. 

Shame on the Democrats for Revictimizing Her

It’s not the conservative / Republicans revictimizing this woman. They’ve offered numerous concessions IF she chooses to testify. They’re not saying it didn’t happen. They’re giving her the opportunity to speak publicly (which she clearly does NOT want as most victims don’t). Of course, the radio hosts are making it seem like the victim has gone out of her way to ruin Kavanaugh’s life instead of keeping in mind that it was said in a private environment and through an anonymous letter that was leaked

Shame on the Democrats for having this shit leaked and released. The victim is now in the public eye and taking all the flack for something that happened 30+ years ago. And, again, I’m inclined to think something certainly happened.

We’re Also Talking about Two Minors

And no I do NOT say that to say that 17 year old horny boys get some sort of free pass. They don’t. We are talking about two inexperienced minors, aged 15 years and 17 years at the time (30+ years ago). He may have felt she consented if she didn’t actually SAY no or stop him. This just points out that teenagers are stupid and that clear and obvious consent is a must in any sexual situation.

It’s Not the FBI’s Job to Investigate

Think about it – what victim WOULDN’T want an agency who is supposed to know what they’re doing to investigate what happened to them? Not everyone understands the scope of what the FBI can and cannot do. This was something that happened 30+ years ago and was NOT a federal crime. 

I won’t address the fact that there are thousands of untested rape kits in the nation. I won’t address the fact that allegations of these kind are he said / she said without actual proof (and in the 80s, that’s hard to come by). 

Good Guy Syndrome 

As someone who was abused, I can tell you that “he’s such a nice guy / good guy / polite guy!” is good guy syndrome. Just because someone looks a certain way or acts a certain way doesn’t mean they are incapable of such behavior. In fact, there are abusers who rely on people thinking those thoughts about them so that they can continue to abuse others. 

So, no, you cannot say that he didn’t do it because he was or is a nice guy or a professional or anything else. Actual and attempted sexual assault and rape go unreported even now. It doesn’t mean it never happened. Sexual assault, rape, and abuse of any kind has no known particular demographic. It happens regardless of race, profession, and income. 

And We Will Never Know

We will never know what happened because, like most of these things, it is he said / she said. I’ve already explained why I’m inclined to believe her. If anyone should be ostracized, it should be the person who leaked out her name and her private discussion as well as the Democrats for keeping it alive instead of actually working to protect her. For them, it’s way better to use it for an attempt at a political gain. 

The system, my friends, is broken. 

Almost 40 and…

I don’t think I could say that I’ve ever been happier. I really look forward to my 40th birthday next week. Today we went and bought some new bake wear I wanted / needed (new loaf pans, new pizza pans, and new cookie sheets). I still need to get a crisping rack for the oven, cooling racks (those are available at Dollar Tree), and a few other nice-to-have things.  Read more

Confession #47

I have the strangest encounters with people…people that think that various forms of content (social media content, articles, web page content, video scripts, books, whatever) are left on the doorstep of a business by the word fairy.

Today, I went to pay the Internet bill in person. I usually pay online. While paying, I asked a question about how I would process a name change for my business account in the near future. I was told that I’d have to talk to the rep who started my account…and that was the answer I expected. Then:

Rep: So what does your business do, exactly?

Me: Provide written content for businesses.

Rep: People can actually make money doing that?

Me: Your company has several social media accounts, mails out flyers and sales letters to me weekly, has website content, has articles on their page, and they have commercials. They hire people to do that.

And right before I went in, my cousin sent me a screenshot of more poorly worded educational material from his continuing education course about how we all couldn’t live without “pop cans and CDs.” Really? Because while I do buy Blue Sky Soda in the can, I can’t tell you the last time that I used an actual CD for anything. My life is pretty much cloud-drive based.

If you have a confession, submit through the form found by clicking here. It will remain anonymous.

 

Critiquing Joan Didion in High School Turned Me Into a Copywriter

So, most of my regular readers know my primary bread and butter is non-fiction writing and editing. I write a lot in the legal tech / law office management space, business / law / criminal justice educational arenas, and I do a lot of editing. I’d like to think that I’ve done just fine for myself from the professional perspective. I mean, think about the number of people who say they want to work from home as a writer of some sort versus the number of people doing it. Read more

If You Want to Be Successful, Change Your Decision Making Philosophy NOW

If there’s one thing I understand, it’s how your immediate situation can affect your decisions. Because I’ve been in some shitty situations. Beyond shitty. Life threatening. Some not so life threatening and yet seriously fucking worrisome “pay the electric or buy groceries” situations. So, believe me when I say that I totally understand how your current environment can (and often should) play (at least) a (small) part in how you make your decisions.  Read more