Male Tennessee Law Maker Manages to Tie His Own Shoes – We All Wonder How…

Because he’s really worried the women-folk will begin stock-piling tampons!

Look, yall, even before I had a partial hysterectomy 18 years ago, I had other things to worry about than stock-piling tampons. I mean, even back then we had those crazy coupon people who could by shit for pennies or get money back from the store and leave with two basket loads of shit.

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WTF Friday – Google Blocks Edge, Scared Straight, & Transhumanism?

Hello humans (and spambots). I know, I know…it’s been a while. Storm season was crazy here in Oklahoma. Had a lot going on in general. So…heeeyyy! To make it up to you, I’ve put together a new WTF Friday and I promise I’ll try to get my shit together soon. I did update Digital Workflow just the other day. If you haven’t, you should check it out and subscribe. Oh, and my pithy commentary over on Modern Essayist.

Anyway, let’s get started, mmmkay?

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WTF Friday: Productivity, Airline Asshole, All about the Benjamins

Okay, so we’ve made it through another week…January is also finished. You’re officially 1/12th of the way done with 2019. So let’s do the thing, shall we?


I generally love productivity tips. I’ve always liked being both productive and efficient. So, I was really excited to come across an article promising to tell me five ways to be more productive working form home. But they’re all basic. And the exact same thing you should do if you don’t work from home and work for a traditional company instead. You know, shit like exercising which boosts your productivity, not sitting at your desk ALL day, and staying the fuck off social media. Not impressed.

Airline Asshole

So, some dumbass wants to hide behind “I’m not politically correct” as she, on video, shames her seatmates on a flight because she’s stuck in the middle seat. I’d just like to point out that as she called the folks on both sides of her “fat pigs,” she didn’t do herself any goddamn favors dressed like she is.

I do not fly. However, I’d much rather be stuck with her seatmates than with that raging bitch.

All about the Benjamins

This really shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone…but pharmaceutical companies are out to make money…and there’s more money to be had if you know something you make is addictive (although you tell doctors it isn’t) and then decide to get into the addiction recovery business from the pharmaceutical side.

Yep, what we all know to be true is actually true. And Purdue Pharma’s redacted court documents allude to the fact that they wanted to do more than make opioids…they also wanted to get into the addiction treatment side of things.

We are nothing but dollar signs in the eyes of these businesses. We are not mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, siblings, or grandparents. We are dollar signs.

WTF Friday – Virgin Violence & an Easy to Beat Defense Rap

Virgin Violence

Oh. My God. Okay, so if yall didn’t seen it in advance, there’s some extremely stupid man (in his mid / late 20s depending on how you calculate your “mid” years for a decade). And he’s a virgin (well, now that he’s in jail – he’s probably not…at least, not from the receiving send).

So, let me tell you what this dummy did to get himself into this situation. Mr. 27-year-old-virgin threatened to kill a woman because HE is a virgin.

Isn’t he just delightful? Like, dude. There’s Tinder. There are prostitutes. You have all these other avenues (or hey, wait it out, bruh) to get some. Threatening women doesn’t really make us super excited to let you go to pound town, amirite?

Police in Colorado contact him because he didn’t want the “1000 hoes” he sees online…but an actual girlfriend and that he planned to kill as many women as he possibly could. It’s like a modern-day Son of Sam except he’s behind bars before he did anything stupid.

And, for those unfamiliar with Son of Sam, his neighbor once complained to the cops about Berkowitz threatening to kill his dogs…and the cops downplayed it at just a crazy neighbor. And then, you know, all those ladies (and couples) he shot in the face…and then wrote letters to taunt the police.

Jackass Quotes Jay-Z Lyrics as Defense for Shooting

So, I think we’d all agree that there’s enough violence in this world. A man in Brooklyn dubbed as the “gangbanger who couldn’t shoot straight” is in big trouble for a shooting that left not one but two innocent bystanders dead. The goal of Nicholas “Face” Washington (come on, yall, come up with better street names…) had the goal of shooting and killing cocaine slangin’ rivals. Because despite the growing drug epidemic here in America, apparently there aren’t enough drug addicts to go around. (I call bullshit since we are now all statistically more likely to die by an opioid overdose than in a car accident.)

Anyway, the brilliant defense strategy for Williams was to quote Jay-Z lyrics. And by Williams, I mean his lawyer. And the lyrics? Well, you can read them here, but it’s about how quick you can get killed. So, it’s not like it was some sort of actual defense or rationalization.

Exit, stage left.

Proof of Just How Frightening Our Educational System Is

I went to public schools. I turned out alright. I even went to public schools long before the Internet was a thing. We had maps of the United States. We had to memorize all fifty states and the name of each city that was a state capitol. 

And the poor state of public education in the United States is recognized by most of us. I mean, Rhode Island has a lawsuit going. I don’t even want to talk about the state of education here in Oklahoma. 

Of course, there are people who complain about paying taxes to improve school conditions, buy new books, and pay teachers. I’d just like to point out to those of you that bitch about the cost of education that it will eventually bite us all in the ass…kinda like how this DC clerk tried to say that New Mexico was a FOREIGN country