Work at Home Alphabet Part Thrice

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J Is for….

Just because I work from home doesn’t make me your maid, your chauffeur, or your new babysitter. I need my work time just as much as you need yours. Having the ability to work from home doesn’t make my time less important than yours. In fact, it kinda makes me more important because people know that I don’t need to be watched over and that I know how to manage my time.

K Is for….

K. The response we give to people through text or messenger who won’t leave us alone while we are working.

L Is for…

Late nights. Maybe you’re working. Maybe you’re unwinding. But it’s late and oh look the dog puked on the rug again…and your child wants their 9,252 glass of water…because “I love you and miss you and don’t want to go to sleep.”

M Is for…

Multitasking. You know it’s not the best way to run your business…or your home. But those invoices won’t update themselves…and the dishes won’t put themselves into the dishwasher and suddenly, your children have found something to do and are no longer “bored.”

N Is for…

No. No is a very important word. No, you may not put the cat in the blender. No, you may not try to sky dive from the roof. No, I will not work for exposure or “ad revenue share” because if you had exposure as a website owner, you’d have enough ad revenue now to pay me. And I will not spend extra time directing people to your site in the hopes they click on a link so you can make 1/10th of a cent. No.

O Is for…

Oh my gods, you’re kidding me, right? Changing the entire scope of a project you spent 15 hours on right before a deadline? All in a day’s work. They want me to write 1,000 words and they want to pay me an entire dollar? Oh my gods….no.

Work at Home Alphabet Part 2

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F is for…

(1) Friends. the people who like to say they are your friend, but they always want something from you for free. Could be a makeup sample. Could be a food sample. Could be for you edit and market their book for them because it will be “good” for your career (despite the fact they are not a professional writer and they do not have an agent or any literary contacts). They don’t ever want to buy – they just want it for free.

(2) Fuck that noise. The phrase you utter at least 12 times on any given day between the dishwasher acting up and spewing bubbles everywhere or your child not feeling well so you let them stay home and they get a “miraculous” burst of energy…or a client who changes the entire scope of a project the day it is due, but still wants it on that day.

(3) Facebook. The place where so many people, including those who work from home, waste time and then proclaim they don’t have “time” for clients or to run a business.

G is for…

(1) Gratitude. ┬áThis is still better than a cubicle and wondering how you’ll buy groceries, pay for gas, and pay for daycare. It’s also better than a sharp stick in the eye and it’s better than smelling someone’s reheated tuna casserole in a break room.

(2) Get the fuck outta here with that. You could be talking to your dog about the dead bird he just brought in the house. You could be mumbling to yourself about some absolutely ridiculous proposal some sent you. $2 for 500 words? Get the fuck outta here with that.

H is for…

(1) Home. It is your office. It is the place you sleep and eat. It could be heaven on earth one day and feel like hellhounds have invaded your space the next.

(2) How?! Part exasperated rhetorical question and sometimes a really serious question. How in the hell did your child manage to flush every electronic device in the house? How in the hell did they manage to delete files on an external drive when they’re only two and can’t read? How in the hell will you finish this project now?!

I is for…

I want. Maybe it’s your kid. Could be your neighbor. Could be your parents. Maybe a spouse. Definitely uttered by clients. I want a damn break, but we all don’t get what we want, now do we? No we do not.

Stay tuned for part 3 (I could keep going, but I have actual work to do).

 

Work at Home Alphabet Part 1

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I started rattling this off the other day to my husband. He thought it was hilarious and that I should post it. I’ll post it in chunks and then put it together as some sort of funny download.

A is for….

Asshole. The asshole in the life of a work at home professional can vary from day to day. One day it could be someone with a laughable proposal or saying you’ll get paid through exposure (people die from exposure as my good friend says). It could be your toddler who decided to “help” you. It could be your dog and his incessant need to run in and out. It could be a problem client. Hell, it could be all of those things in a single day.

B is for…

Bullshit. Bullshit proposals with a non-existent budget, clients who want to talk to you for just “a quick call” and four hours later, they’re still talking (not even about the project you’re working on, either), or the way family members think you don’t have a real job and want you to do things for them. All of it is bullshit.

C is for…

Coffee, of course. This magical elixir of the gods keeps us from maiming or killing.

D is for…

Deadlines! Yes, they really do exist for work at home professionals. Don’t you love the way they stare you down as deal with the bullshit from above?

E is for…

Every damn day. There is no such thing as paid leave. Because when you’re not working on client projects, you’re working around the house.

More in a day or two… I still have lots of shit to get done.