Virgin Violence

Oh. My God. Okay, so if yall didn’t seen it in advance, there’s some extremely stupid man (in his mid / late 20s depending on how you calculate your “mid” years for a decade). And he’s a virgin (well, now that he’s in jail – he’s probably not…at least, not from the receiving send).

So, let me tell you what this dummy did to get himself into this situation. Mr. 27-year-old-virgin threatened to kill a woman because HE is a virgin.

Isn’t he just delightful? Like, dude. There’s Tinder. There are prostitutes. You have all these other avenues (or hey, wait it out, bruh) to get some. Threatening women doesn’t really make us super excited to let you go to pound town, amirite?

Police in Colorado contact him because he didn’t want the “1000 hoes” he sees online…but an actual girlfriend and that he planned to kill as many women as he possibly could. It’s like a modern-day Son of Sam except he’s behind bars before he did anything stupid.

And, for those unfamiliar with Son of Sam, his neighbor once complained to the cops about Berkowitz threatening to kill his dogs…and the cops downplayed it at just a crazy neighbor. And then, you know, all those ladies (and couples) he shot in the face…and then wrote letters to taunt the police.

Jackass Quotes Jay-Z Lyrics as Defense for Shooting

So, I think we’d all agree that there’s enough violence in this world. A man in Brooklyn dubbed as the “gangbanger who couldn’t shoot straight” is in big trouble for a shooting that left not one but two innocent bystanders dead. The goal of Nicholas “Face” Washington (come on, yall, come up with better street names…) had the goal of shooting and killing cocaine slangin’ rivals. Because despite the growing drug epidemic here in America, apparently there aren’t enough drug addicts to go around. (I call bullshit since we are now all statistically more likely to die by an opioid overdose than in a car accident.)

Anyway, the brilliant defense strategy for Williams was to quote Jay-Z lyrics. And by Williams, I mean his lawyer. And the lyrics? Well, you can read them here, but it’s about how quick you can get killed. So, it’s not like it was some sort of actual defense or rationalization.

Exit, stage left.