Proof of Just How Frightening Our Educational System Is

I went to public schools. I turned out alright. I even went to public schools long before the Internet was a thing. We had maps of the United States. We had to memorize all fifty states and the name of each city that was a state capitol. 

And the poor state of public education in the United States is recognized by most of us. I mean, Rhode Island has a lawsuit going. I don’t even want to talk about the state of education here in Oklahoma. 

Of course, there are people who complain about paying taxes to improve school conditions, buy new books, and pay teachers. I’d just like to point out to those of you that bitch about the cost of education that it will eventually bite us all in the ass…kinda like how this DC clerk tried to say that New Mexico was a FOREIGN country

First World Writing Problem: My Never-Ending Manuscript

About three-ish years ago, I started a manuscript all about how to start a business. Around 18 months ago, it was almost finished. Then, I suffered the dreaded flash drive crash. I lost it. I had no back-up (like an idiot). You would think that I would have learned my lesson having suffered a similar fate about a year prior to that with some client files stored on a flash drive that dropped dead. But,no.

Anyway, I had to start my manuscript over. I created an outline and that’s what I did. The problem? It’s become the never-ending manuscript. See, the previous version was finished at around 15k words. Like, it was ready to have the loose ends tied up. This one? Nope. I’m at over 30k. I still have three sections to complete.

I know that doesn’t sound like a BFD to anyone because most writers deal with writer’s block. I don’t. I suffer from the opposite: idea diarrhea. I keep thinking of shit to go back and add to previous sections because I want people to really get the most information possible out of this book. And the idea diarrhea is starting to piss me off. Because with the way my brain works, the book may never end.

Idea diarrhea

It’s also an overstimulation of my poor brain. I had a great day yesterday (and the day before and the day before and, well, just keep going back for a couple of months). Last night, I thought hey I’ll just sit down and work on this…there’s only three more sections!

Within two hours, I was fucking pissed. Not at anything in particular other than myself. I like my writing. I like my book. It was just overstimulating to keep going back and adding to different things and. I was totally worked up and stressed up and had to stop working on it.

This morning, as I piddled around the house (we’re doing our Thanksgiving tomorrow) listening to a Tony Robbins podcast, I had yet another idea to add. It was a good one. I never did make it to my laptop to jot it down. I’ve since forgotten it (and that’s probably not a bad thing).

By the way, this WordPress update fucking sucks.I’m writing my initial post in Word to copy it over because if I backspace onetime in WordPress to correct a problem, the whole fucking post disappears. It’s also not properly spacing between words. Get your shit together, WordPress.

WTF Wednesday

Yeah, I know…when I do these it’s usually a Friday thing…but it’s fall break here so it is sort of kind of Friday, at least for Baby Bull. Today, I read a horrifying story about a woman who murdered her nonverbal autistic son by leaving him a hot car. The news story pissed me off because of its content and because the headline talked about how the woman’s Google search results were “disturbing.” Her Googling was far less disturbing (“teen dies in minivan” and “autistic children and reincarnation”) than the messages she sent her friend, the living conditions of her child, AND her blatant lies. 

She said that she took a nap and that when she woke up, her kid (who had a history of wandering away) was just GONE. Okay, so as a mom who has a nonverbal autistic child who spends 95% of his time with me (outside of school), let me tell you something…you do not turn your back on a child who has a history of wandering away. You do NOT leave them unsupervised. Ever. Baby Bull isn’t much of a wanderer although he will definitely try to run away if something scares him. And there’s no telling what will scare him. So, when we go out walking, I always hold his hand. He is not allowed to go outside into the front yard alone. The screen door stays locked. Our backyard is fully fenced. He can go out with moderate supervision (ie I am not constantly over his shoulder) into the backyard when we offer OR he lets us know in some way (usually pointing or saying “outside”) that’s what he wants. We also have two large dogs who I can assure you will not let anyone (or any other animal) within three feet of him. 

There is absolutely no excuse for this. Special needs exist. It doesn’t matter how you label it. There are solutions. Solutions include better parenting (that can include taking classes if you really don’t know what to do), getting professional help to come INTO the home to help you OR help with your kid, and there are also facilities for placement. 

I really hope that woman gets the death penalty and I am not a big fan of capital punishment for several reasons (none of it really has to do with moral inclination). 

October Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I wanted to take a few minutes and address one of the most disheartening things that most people don’t know. It’s an issue I dealt with personally many years ago. And that issue is that in most states, it is perfectly legal for an employer to fire a victim. 

I worked for a technical college. I taught paralegal studies, directed the program, acted as an academic adviser, and managed the internship program for paralegals. I had recently moved to Oklahoma City. The Tribe paid for my move. They came and installed window and door alarms. My advocate went with me to court hearings for the protective order. I am forever in debt to the Absentee Shawnee Tribe for their help and their support. 

One day, the Campus Director (who also happened to be a lawyer) called me into his office because of a “problem.” The college had received an anonymous phone call that essentially said I was a sexual deviant and had nude photos of myself online. I had to talk to him, the Director of Education, AND legal. Separately. And all at once. My job was on the line because, as they eventually determined, the ex that I have a permanent VPO against (that is now worked into the divorce decree via amended language) for stalking, abuse, and harassment made these allegations. 

I had to produce old emails from websites that held pictures that he had that he used to try and blackmail me. I had to produce my entire court file that led to the VPO. I had to hand over documents (including police reports) filed with the local police and Tribal police. My domestic violence advocate also had to get involved. 

So, essentially, I had to be retraumautized and revictimized to keep my job. Legal eventually told the Campus Director to drop the matter and ensure that day time and night time security was notified of a name, description, date of birth, car tag, car description…all the stuff I could give them, basically, to ensure that they could keep me as safe as possible since I taught both days and nights.

Not Everyone Is So Lucky

I hated what I went through. It was like reliving everything. And I could tell you some real horror stories that I’m still not ready to discuss. A lot of victims are fired because their employer doesn’t want the potential liability, the potential danger, or the absences that take place because the victim has to go to court, move, or (God forbid) is in the hospital. They lose their jobs. Their income. It’s the one lifeline they feel like they have. 

As a nation, we simply must do better. 

Kavanaugh’s Alleged Attempted Sexual Assault

Well, I’ve tried to avoid the Kavanaugh alleged attempted sexual assault for a few reasons. It’s time for me to address it because it takes a very important subject and thrusts it into the limelight…for political gain. Read the whole post and think carefully for yourself. Be objective. 

Who Am I to Issue an Opinion?

No one, really….except that:

  1. I am a survivor of child abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic violence. 
  2. I am a mother to three sons. 
  3. I have C-PTSD…so, according to professionals, where I am now is as good as I’m ever going to get as far as symptoms are concerned. 

I don’t spend a lot of time talking about what happened to me for various reasons. None of which I’m really required to disclose to validate or invalidate anything to anyone. However, I don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on what happened because:

  1. I don’t like thinking about it or talking about it. 
  2. What happened is only a small part of my life (when compared to the whole). 
  3. I’ve witnessed how people are treated. You have to be the right “amount” of “victim.” If you talk about it too much, you’re “milking it.” If you don’t talk about it except at certain times then people question whether it happened. Instead, I use my experience to help others through similar circumstances. 

I Believe Her

Wait, wait, wait. Don’t stop reading – just “hear” me out. Also, I’m not using her name for a reason. We have rape shield laws (and yes, I know she wasn’t raped and that we’re talking about something 30+ years ago that was an attempted sexual assault. We have those laws to protect the identity of the victim

This all started for her back in 2012 in therapy. You know, a private setting. Where things are supposed to be private. Where people go to talk about and (if they have a good therapist) work toward moving on. Then, there was an anonymous letter. Sometimes victims see something and it puts them in a bad place….and so they need to get it off their chest. They’re not necessarily looking to get their name out there. They just want to feel better. So, again, we’re starting with a private setting and and anonymous letter

Some dickbag leaked it and also gave out her name. So now we’ve gone from “I just need to get this out” to suddenly being thrust unwillingly into the spotlight and being threatened and being made out to be the bad guy of the situation for talking about an experience in a private setting and in an anonymous letter that was leaked by another person. No one really says shit about those facts, do they? At least…not in more than a passing sentence. 

She doesn’t really want to testify. This, to me, further solidifies the fact that she had something happen to her (yes, years ago – this shit does not necessarily just go away) that fundamentally changed her. That’s why she isn’t agreeing to a date and time. She just wanted to get it off her chest. 

Shame on the Democrats for Revictimizing Her

It’s not the conservative / Republicans revictimizing this woman. They’ve offered numerous concessions IF she chooses to testify. They’re not saying it didn’t happen. They’re giving her the opportunity to speak publicly (which she clearly does NOT want as most victims don’t). Of course, the radio hosts are making it seem like the victim has gone out of her way to ruin Kavanaugh’s life instead of keeping in mind that it was said in a private environment and through an anonymous letter that was leaked

Shame on the Democrats for having this shit leaked and released. The victim is now in the public eye and taking all the flack for something that happened 30+ years ago. And, again, I’m inclined to think something certainly happened.

We’re Also Talking about Two Minors

And no I do NOT say that to say that 17 year old horny boys get some sort of free pass. They don’t. We are talking about two inexperienced minors, aged 15 years and 17 years at the time (30+ years ago). He may have felt she consented if she didn’t actually SAY no or stop him. This just points out that teenagers are stupid and that clear and obvious consent is a must in any sexual situation.

It’s Not the FBI’s Job to Investigate

Think about it – what victim WOULDN’T want an agency who is supposed to know what they’re doing to investigate what happened to them? Not everyone understands the scope of what the FBI can and cannot do. This was something that happened 30+ years ago and was NOT a federal crime. 

I won’t address the fact that there are thousands of untested rape kits in the nation. I won’t address the fact that allegations of these kind are he said / she said without actual proof (and in the 80s, that’s hard to come by). 

Good Guy Syndrome 

As someone who was abused, I can tell you that “he’s such a nice guy / good guy / polite guy!” is good guy syndrome. Just because someone looks a certain way or acts a certain way doesn’t mean they are incapable of such behavior. In fact, there are abusers who rely on people thinking those thoughts about them so that they can continue to abuse others. 

So, no, you cannot say that he didn’t do it because he was or is a nice guy or a professional or anything else. Actual and attempted sexual assault and rape go unreported even now. It doesn’t mean it never happened. Sexual assault, rape, and abuse of any kind has no known particular demographic. It happens regardless of race, profession, and income. 

And We Will Never Know

We will never know what happened because, like most of these things, it is he said / she said. I’ve already explained why I’m inclined to believe her. If anyone should be ostracized, it should be the person who leaked out her name and her private discussion as well as the Democrats for keeping it alive instead of actually working to protect her. For them, it’s way better to use it for an attempt at a political gain. 

The system, my friends, is broken.