I have CPTSD…and I am not one for beating around the bush. And I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to feel miserable forever. While I recognize that there are days that just suck and that brain chemistry can have something to do with that, we also have free will. We also have the ability to make a decision to do something different and begin the process of rewiring the brain. And, no, that doesn’t make it easy. That doesn’t make every day full of sunshine and butterflies. Some days still fucking suck. But we do not have to live every day like in misery.
1 – Worry About Your Damn Self Because You Cannot Control Other People
You cannot tell others how to live their lives outside of your minor children. You don’t get to tell your spouse what to do, either. You can model. You can talk together, but that’s really about it. You should not abuse. If you married them how they are and thought they would change, well…you’re not a goddamn miracle worker. Or the asshole whisperer.
Also, don’t try to shame them on social media. That’s a form of bullying. Don’t be a goddamn bully. Oh, and ignore anyone who does this shit to you or fucking call them out on it. Depending on who it is and whether you’re willing to make wave, I’m a fan of calling them out. But, I worry about my own damn self. If you are being abused physically, sexually, mentally, or emotionally, get the fuck out.
2 – Ditch the Negativity
I dealt with a lot of point 1 from various family members and even people I barely fucking know throughout my entire life about practically everything…several years ago when I fractured my back and hip a cousin of my mom messaged her on Facebook to tell her that he felt I was online (on Facebook) far too much. This was before you could hide your online status. Her response was pretty classic: she’s an adult….she stopped listening to me when she was 11…what the fuck do you want me to do about it? Take it up with her yourself.
He never took it up with me. I wasn’t working because of my injury, by the way. At that time, I worked at an auto auction handling titles and collections. And I stopped “listening” to her when I was 11 because that was the last time she cornered me was punching me in the face. She was high. I hit her back.
I have a lot of people I don’t deal with because I do not want their drama, their ridiculous opinions, or their negativity in my life. If all they can do is nitpick you, you don’t need them. I don’t care if you’ve known them since you were six and they are your “best friend” or someone you are related to you. They are not good for you. As the saying goes, you cannot soar with eagles if you’re hanging around with turkeys. And show me the five people you’re hanging around with most and I’ll predict your future.
3 – Stop Eating Your Feelings
You know it makes you feel like shit. So stop. I know it’s easier said than done. You know you shouldn’t do it. Stop buying it. And if your family wants it in the house, then stop eating it. You’re an adult. Act like one. And don’t act all offended that I said it. If the people on 600lb Life can do it, so can you if you don’t have Prader-Willi syndrome. If you do, that’s a completely different matter.
Find a new habit when you want to eat. And ditch the fucking soda (including diet soda). Drink water. Make your own sweet tea using only ONE CUP of sugar because you will get less sugar than a damn can of soda or glass of soda. You will not die. You will be tired and pissy for a couple of weeks, but you will NOT die. I know, I went through soda withdrawal.
Yes, I know I’m mean.
4 – Surround Yourself With People Who Have Goals & Dreams Who Actually Work to Fulfill Them
Goals and dreams don’t mean a goddamn thing if people don’t work toward them. Surround yourself with those who have them…and who work actively toward them. This doesn’t have to be people who are always balls to the wall. Moms with toddlers may have to work when they can versus people like me who have two kids up and out. That doesn’t mean that moms with toddlers are lazy. It means their lives are different. You don’t need people just like you…you just need people who have an active desire to succeed.
5 – Do Good Things for Others Without Expecting Something in Return
If you want to be happier, just be a decent person. Your good deeds don’t have to be giant to-dos. Even during a time of physical distancing, you can do good things for others for no reason. I’ve given away PDF copies of my books and marketing plan. I’ve given away a video walk through of how to use Google to learn how to do SEO (free). I’ve helped lawyers find virtual work (free). This isn’t me patting myself on the back. It’s just me showing you some things so that maybe you’ll be able to generate some ideas of what you can do. You could also shop on smile.amazon.com for your local domestic violence shelter and have it delivered. You could host a virtual class for free. Whatever.
6 – Do Nice Things for You
And please don’t go into the “I don’t do self-care because I am unworthy” bullshit. There is no medal, trophy, certificate, or other award for being a martyr or victim. I realize that for many of you, it’s a wiring problem in your brain. You were mistreated for so long that even if you are no longer with the person who did it to you, your brain continues to play it. Now you have to do the work to stop the autoplay. Every time you get that thought, manually stop it and say the opposite. I don’t care if it feels like a lie. Just fucking do it. Over time, you will rewire your brain. Take a hot bath. Schedule time to do an activity you enjoy. Do nice things for you. Be your own best friend. Stop being such a dick to yourself.