So, the news broke today that Ozzy Osbourne has Parkinson’s. In other news:

• Water is wet
• Elton John is gay
• Sharon Osbourne is still awesome
• Gwyneth Paltrow is still obsessed with vaginas

Thank you, Captain Obvious. I mean, while we’ve all made jokes presuming it was drugs (because, really, the health of celebrities is none of our business unless they choose to share…just like your health isn’t anyone else’s business unless you choose to share), we all kinda knew…