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F is for…

(1) Friends. the people who like to say they are your friend, but they always want something from you for free. Could be a makeup sample. Could be a food sample. Could be for you edit and market their book for them because it will be “good” for your career (despite the fact they are not a professional writer and they do not have an agent or any literary contacts). They don’t ever want to buy – they just want it for free.

(2) Fuck that noise. The phrase you utter at least 12 times on any given day between the dishwasher acting up and spewing bubbles everywhere or your child not feeling well so you let them stay home and they get a “miraculous” burst of energy…or a client who changes the entire scope of a project the day it is due, but still wants it on that day.

(3) Facebook. The place where so many people, including those who work from home, waste time and then proclaim they don’t have “time” for clients or to run a business.

G is for…

(1) Gratitude.  This is still better than a cubicle and wondering how you’ll buy groceries, pay for gas, and pay for daycare. It’s also better than a sharp stick in the eye and it’s better than smelling someone’s reheated tuna casserole in a break room.

(2) Get the fuck outta here with that. You could be talking to your dog about the dead bird he just brought in the house. You could be mumbling to yourself about some absolutely ridiculous proposal some sent you. $2 for 500 words? Get the fuck outta here with that.

H is for…

(1) Home. It is your office. It is the place you sleep and eat. It could be heaven on earth one day and feel like hellhounds have invaded your space the next.

(2) How?! Part exasperated rhetorical question and sometimes a really serious question. How in the hell did your child manage to flush every electronic device in the house? How in the hell did they manage to delete files on an external drive when they’re only two and can’t read? How in the hell will you finish this project now?!

I is for…

I want. Maybe it’s your kid. Could be your neighbor. Could be your parents. Maybe a spouse. Definitely uttered by clients. I want a damn break, but we all don’t get what we want, now do we? No we do not.

Stay tuned for part 3 (I could keep going, but I have actual work to do).

 

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