Since most people read this blog on Friday (according to my stats), I thought I should bring back a feature I had on a previous blog: WTF Friday. The purpose of this series is to highlight the ridiculous shit that goes on in life. “Humans are so interesting.”
Put the Phones Down, Humans
We live just a few blocks from Baby Bull’s school. In many states, the use of cell phones while behind the wheel is illegal or extremely limited. In our state, it’s illegal to text and drive. I don’t know what in the hell is wrong with people, but that doesn’t mean it’s just illegal on the main roads or the highway. Put. the. phone. down. when. you. are. driving. Especially when you’re near a school…when children are on their way to or from. As we walked to school this morning, we watched a car get rear ended because someone wasn’t looking at the road. They were looking at their phone.
The car that they hit was stopped at an intersection (because they had a stop sign)…and it is a place where many children cross the street. It’s where my son and I cross the street. We were probably about 100 steps away from the area.
Hurting yourself, destroying your car, or hurting another adult is bad enough…but what if this moron had hit a child who was crossing the street? Put your phones down when you’re in a residential area. Your text, Facebook, or email is no where near as important as the tiny little people who are in the area.
Charmin Makes Offer to the Pooping Jogger
First, oh my god – there’s someone shitting on people’s property…and it’s a woman. Second, Charmin has made her an offer. If she turns herself in, they’ll cover her ass for a year…with toilet paper.
Turns out, that Death Wish brand coffee isn’t playin’ around. Well, okay, so it’s not like they’re trying to kill people on purpose…because killing customers wouldn’t create a profitable business. They did recall some of their coffee because its Nitro Cold Brew may have botulin as a result of the manufacturing process.
Idiot Teenager Calls Police Because Someone Stole Her Drugs
Yes, I do realize the first two words above are a bit redundant. If you’re gonna be a criminal, which I do not recommend, you should remember to avoid detection and don’t call the police to tell them someone committed a crime (theft) that endangered your criminal enterprise. What happened to the criminals we used to watch on Unsolved Mysteries back in the 80s and 90s that could go decades without getting caught?
Teenagers, stop. Your thought processes aren’t fully formed. You’re not smart enough for this. It’s not your fault – it’s biology. But a life of crime really is bad. Even if you don’t care about going to jail / prison, getting out and trying to resume your life is no picnic. In addition to the stigma, you’ll face difficulties finding work and even a place to live…you could lose your legal right to own a gun or to vote. You could lose the ability to take out student loans to go to college (even if your life of crime was a 15 minute mistake of sheer stupidity). I am a big fan of reforming the criminal justice system…but you really don’t want to be in the system. I can promise you that.
It’s Hip to Be Shit-Faced Drunk
Look, when you’re 82, I’m sort of in the boat of do whatever the fuck you want to do. But, you know, if you’re tough enough to still walk around when you’re 82 years old and your BAC is .3, you should probably be careful. An 82 year old woman is filing a lawsuit against Red Lobster because she got shit-faced drunk, fell, broke her hip, and spent six days in the hospital. Marlene Spencer, the plaintiff, was at the restaurant with a group of residents from her nursing facility. And her daughter had previous conversations about the restaurant over-serving her mom.
All hail the lizard people…don’t tell your boss to drop dead – the rapture isn’t happening. You still need a job.