Easy Homemade Bread [VEGAN] - Confessions from the Couch

Y’all, it was vegan before I touched it, I swear. It also requires ZERO kneading….and you do NOT need a Dutch oven. You just need an oven safe pan (duh) and enough aluminum foil to cover it.

As usual, no long story…but while I have a Dutch oven, I recognize not everyone does. So, it is still important to heat the oven safe pan for 30 minutes before putting the dough in. Then, cover the dough with the foil while it bakes for 30 minutes. Then remove the foil and let it bake for another 10 to 12 minutes to brown.

You can add garlic, oregano, basil, or whatever spices you have to your bread dough…or not. We add garlic powder all the time. Be liberal with the spices if you plan to do that.

Ingredients

1 package Fleischmann’s Instant Dry Yeast (which is about 2.5 teaspoons if you buy it by the jar. I do not buy or recommend any other brand. If it was good enough for my Grandma, it is good enough for ME)
2 t. sugar (I realize it is instant, but you will never convince me that sugar is not necessary. Add the goddamn sugar, ya heathen!)
1 t. salt
1 1/2 c. hot water (do NOT make it so hot that you kill the yeast. I take baths and showers in nothing but hot water. Our hot water tank it set at 120 degrees F because we have an autistic child in the house. I do not let my hot water for yeast get THAT hot, but pretty damn close to it)
3 1/2 c. all purpose flour (not self-rising flour and not “cake” flour. I suppose you could use unbleached. If you’re low carb or gluten free, make your own adjustments accordingly because while I can bake in that manner, this ain’t the recipe for it)
A nice, deep oven safe pan
Parchment paper (trust me – just have it)
A nice bowl for mixing
Another nice bowl for the second rise
A nice, heavy spatula (that you won’t fucking break later when mixing or pulling it out of the bowl)
Enough foil to cover
About 3.5 hours of your time from start to finish because this shit needs time to rise

How-To

Place the yeast and sugar in a bowl.
Add the hot water and stir. Allow it to set for about 10 minutes. If it gets foamy or bubbly, congratulations because you did not kill the fucking yeast.
Add the salt and stir it well. If you’re going to add garlic, basil, oregano, etc., now is the time. Again, be liberal. You’re going to add about 3.5 cups of flour and that seasoning will need to spread through out. So, add your seasonings if you want them and stir well.
Add your flour a cup at a time and use your spatula to stir. And, yes, it is a sticky son of a bitch. I know. This is normal. This is not regular bread dough. Just mix in the 3.5 cups and do not over mix it.
Cover it with towel and leave it the fuck alone in a nice, warm spot for three hours to rise.
Put some flour on a surface (I just use my cabinet – don’t worry…you aren’t kneading anything) and use your nice, strong spatula and plop that sticky bastard out onto the counter. Put a little flour on top (not too much) of the dough and some on your hands. In just a few moves with your hands because you are not kneading the dough fold the ends underneath the blob to make a round shape.
Take the parchment paper and put some in the second bowl (I actually use a casserole dish). Take your nice round dough and set it on top of the parchment paper. Cover it back up with the towel.
Preheat your oven to 450. Then, stick the empty baking dish into the oven for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, tear off enough foil to be able to cover the dough without it touching top of it when it eventually goes into the hot pan.
At the end of that 30 minutes, put the hot pan on top of the stove. Keeping the dough on the parchment paper, move the parchment paper and the dough into the hot pan. Then very carefully so you do not burn yourself, cover the top with foil. Place it back into the oven at 450 for 30 minutes.
At the end of that 30 minutes, carefully remove the foil. Put it back into the oven for 10 to 12 minutes or until brown.
Allow the bread to rest about 30 minutes before you slice it.

It makes excellent grilled cheese. Cut it and then slice each piece in half. Or, you know, just be a glutton and eat the whole loaf.