I’m seeing a lot of “how to work from home with your spouse and not kill them” type posts online. And I get it…because many of you are now spending more time at home with your significant other (and probably children) than ever. Well, just remember that COVID-19 won’t be a viable murder defense. And divorce and child support are expensive.
Bull and I have spent a metric fuck ton of time together since we were married…especially since I started working from home in 2014. He’s always been a contractor…and then last year, he started working with me. I mean, sure he’s had jiujitsu in the evenings and on most Saturdays, but for married folk, we’ve still spent more time together than most. And we even *gasp* like each other as people.
Shocking, I know. So, what are the real secrets to working from home and not wanting to kill your spouse or divorce them?
Stop Fucking Picking a Fight Over Stupid Shit
Seriously, most of the shit that either of you start a fight over is fucking stupid and you both know it. Grow the fuck up. You are both stuck in the house. There’s pretty much nothing you can do about it. If you think this safer at home shit sucks, a life sentence is really gonna blow your mind.
Because there is no going outside. There is no going to another room. There is no going for a walk six feet away from another human whenever the fuck you want. Just be the bigger person (in your own mind) and walk away. Don’t say something like, “I am not fighting with you over this stupid shit.” Just say, “Okay,” and just let it go.
With that being said… Regardless of gender, sexuality, marital status, etc., if you are in an abusive relationship, get out. Yes, shelters are still open despite COVID-19. You can still call abuse hotlines. Wait until they go to the store or until you need to go to the store. Then get the fuck out.
Be Like That Disney Bitch – Let That Shit Go
I don’t watch Disney movies. I have my reasons. You don’t wanna know. I will depress you or piss you off at Disney. So many of you hold grudges when you get angry at your significant other. And, look, Bull and I are not perfect. We get annoyed at each other, too. But I have zero intentions of living my life angry and pissy. Life is too short for that shit. I get the fuck over it and go on and so does he. Some shit doesn’t even need an apology.
Bad days happen. COVID has everyone in cramped quarters. Some of you are incredibly stressed out because money is tight. You can’t go out and do things you’re used to doing. Maybe you’re sick of cartoons. Maybe you just hate being told you’re supposed to stay home. I dunno. But it makes you crabby AF.
First, get a fucking hobby. Do some shit around the house you’ve been meaning to do. But let that shit go. They don’t need to apologize for having a shit moment or day every time…and neither should you. And don’t expect them to do it if you think you should be given leeway and grace. Be a fucking leader.
Separate Yourselves for a While
Our house is not big. We have three bedrooms. I am prone to migraines from noise, especially from multiple noises at once. One bedroom is converted into a small office. It houses my desk with laptop, bookcases, loom, and a few odds and ends. I’m currently on Bull’s computer which is in the living room. He’s using my office to do a live jiujitsu class via Facebook with his class. I don’t fucking know how. I don’t do jiujitsu on a regular basis.
All I know is that despite our love for each other, we do not spend every waking moment up each other’s ass. We get up, we have some morning time as a family unit. I help with school work and such. We feed the dogs. I go into my office (the door stays open) to work. We use Tandem.chat and pop in and out, him into the little office and me into the living room. He’s working in the living room on his business as well as interacting with BB.
We eat lunch together as a family. Bull and I work out together on Beachbody. I’m currently in Phase 5 of Morning Meltdown 100.
Generally back to work since it isn’t the heat of the summer in Oklahoma. If it were summer, I’d get up by 5 am and work until about 1 pm and life could fuck off after that…
We eat dinner as a family, too. We enjoy our evening as a family. BB and I do crafts for fine motor skills. In fact, we’re doing arts to set up a spring and summer art expo extravaganza (online). I mean, you might as well make the fucking best of things.
Do Nice Shit for Each Other
And do it even if they don’t reciprocate. Because maybe they are really stressed out…and maybe, just maybe, eventually, if they aren’t a total psycho or narcissist eventually they do. Maybe they are really fucking stressed right now and don’t know what to do with themselves. Send a nice text message. Be encouraging. Do nice shit. Run them a hot bath if they’re into that. Make them cupcakes. Get on Pinterest…cupcakes aren’t that hard to make from scratch: flour, sugar, eggs (or applesauce), milk (or water…they made cupcakes and cake in the fucking Depression), vanilla or cocoa powder, baking powder. Buttercream frosting? Also not hard. Margarine or butter, powdered sugar (even regular sugar works in a pinch…it’ll just be a little grainy but whatever), vanilla or cocoa, a couple of TABLESPOONS of water or milk. It takes a lot of sugar to make frosting. And bake with your kids. It’s fun. It’s easy. Pinterest. Pinterest. Pinterest.
You have the internet at your disposal to find nice things to do…even if you don’t feel like doing something nice…and if you’re married to a psycho or an abuser, get out…